8/25/19 EC
Dear Todd,
I woke up this morning to Smokey Robinson's voice, circa Temptations era, singing "The Way You Do the Things You Do." This was not on the radio. It was live streaming in my brain, and the verse that was looping was "You could've been anything that you wanted too...and I can telllllll...." And thus, at 6:09am on a Sunday morning, I awoke with a slightly racing heart and started questioning, "Am I living my best life?" What could I have been? Did I take all the right forks in the path. Was this all my own doing? And Why? How? Followed immediately by shame for not feeling the gratitude of the incredible gift I've been given of an amazing, wonderful, oh so lucky life I have had and am living. Even if I could have been a pop star or astronaut and blew it...
These thoughts were quickly interrupted by a ping of news on my phone launching me back into the black hole of helplessness and corporate greed, which led me to google property listings in Canada. It's now 6:12am.
Closing my phone and tossing it in a drawer, I snuggled onto my side, took a deep breath, and closed my eyes. It was then that a bunny, or a jogger, a small child, or a stray blade of grass blew past our house, catapulting the 85lb beast off our bed to fiercely guard our home with his giant yawlp.
In my fancy "monkey see monkey do" kind of way, I also leapt from our bed, half dressed with a stained t-shirt and tangled nest of hair and ran downstairs to yell at him.
"MAKE BETTER CHOICES," I said, staring him in the face, projecting all of my "what ifs" and shame on to the dog. Which makes perfect sense as to why he huffed away and secretly ate my flip flop.
8/25/19 AA
Meanwhile...there is no real-time meanwhile in AA, because it is 6:15am, and no adolescent is up. Not even in London, yet.
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